Wednesday, 30 January 2013

A grainy rock bottom

I've had a bad couple of weeks.

A buffet a couple of weeks ago was the main culprit, along with my complete lack of self control or will power. All it took was the lure of egg mayo sarnies and I was well and truly back in grain hell again. At the time I thought. It's just one meal, what's the harm? Well there's been plenty of harm :(

I've been constantly hungry and craving all the wrong things, moody, miserable and achy with no energy at all. I gained a bit, then stopped weighing myself not wanting to see those numbers going up again. This, of course, made me less accountable and I drifted even further away from primal eating. The full moon and my wonky cycles didn't help much and I pretty much sank to the bottom of my pit of despair, losing all hope that anything I am trying to achieve in my life will go right. Even G-man got fed up with trying to prop up my pessimism.

The clouds are starting to lift finally. I've had a couple of days of 'almost' grain free eating and my mood and energy levels are improving. Yesterday I managed 80 wall pushups in one session so that's cheered me up a heck of a lot. Only 1 week left of the challenge and doing 100 seems very possible now.

But I'm still not feeling very positive overall. I'm wondering  if I will ever get down to a normal weight? I'm fine if I stay at home and stick to primal. But as soon as I'm greeted with grains I go mad. I know I need to work on that, but my will power has always been bad. I can never refuse food. Even though grains make me very ill I still like them. I'm not quite sure how I can make it through the week without succumbing, let alone the rest of my life....

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