Wednesday, 30 January 2013

A grainy rock bottom

I've had a bad couple of weeks.

A buffet a couple of weeks ago was the main culprit, along with my complete lack of self control or will power. All it took was the lure of egg mayo sarnies and I was well and truly back in grain hell again. At the time I thought. It's just one meal, what's the harm? Well there's been plenty of harm :(

I've been constantly hungry and craving all the wrong things, moody, miserable and achy with no energy at all. I gained a bit, then stopped weighing myself not wanting to see those numbers going up again. This, of course, made me less accountable and I drifted even further away from primal eating. The full moon and my wonky cycles didn't help much and I pretty much sank to the bottom of my pit of despair, losing all hope that anything I am trying to achieve in my life will go right. Even G-man got fed up with trying to prop up my pessimism.

The clouds are starting to lift finally. I've had a couple of days of 'almost' grain free eating and my mood and energy levels are improving. Yesterday I managed 80 wall pushups in one session so that's cheered me up a heck of a lot. Only 1 week left of the challenge and doing 100 seems very possible now.

But I'm still not feeling very positive overall. I'm wondering  if I will ever get down to a normal weight? I'm fine if I stay at home and stick to primal. But as soon as I'm greeted with grains I go mad. I know I need to work on that, but my will power has always been bad. I can never refuse food. Even though grains make me very ill I still like them. I'm not quite sure how I can make it through the week without succumbing, let alone the rest of my life....

Sunday, 6 January 2013

Week 10 - Determination counts?

Starting weight: 14st 1lb (197lb)
Ending weight: 14st 1lb (197lb)
Change: none
Week 10 Target: 13st 7lb (189lb) behind by 8lb

I maintained my weight.

I am not happy about that.

Actually I'm quite gutted. I really wanted a loss, just a tiny one, to start 2013 well.

Time to be a realist though. I haven't done any of my normal walking for the last 2 weeks, and half of last week still had lots of holiday food involved. Looking at it like that, maintaining doesn't seem so bad I suppose. But I'm still not happy.

The not walking has hit me harder than I had thought it would. Getting back to it yesterday and doing a good 3 mile circuit of all my customers' houses had me flagging by half way and contemplating phoning G-man to pick me up. I haven't felt like that in a good few months and I didn't like it. I pushed on through it though and felt better for it. I can see very clearly now that the more I walk the fitter I become and I need to find ways of getting more walking into my life.

This week I also started my pushups challenge. One of my goals for 13 in 13 is to do the one hundred pushups challenge. It's a 6 week challenge where you gradually build up your pushup strength, doing 3 workouts per week.

At the moment I can't even do one pushup so I'm doing the challenge with wall pushups. Once I've managed 100 of those I'll repeat the challenge with inclined pushups, and then move into doing 100 standard pushups.

I've been haphazardly doing a few sets of wall pushups every week for a couple of months. But I kept forgetting to do them and didn't seem to be getting very far. I was quite nervous about this challenge but knew it would help push me.

Boy was I right! I haven't nearly been pushing myself hard enough before!

On my initial test last weekend I managed 27 pushups, over double what I'd been doing before! That felt very good! Then when I entered that number 27 into the iPhone app it told me I should consider starting on week 3, level 3! Nothing like being told you were fitter than you though to cheer you up. Yay!

I powered through the first 2 work out days on Tuesday and Thursday. But then Saturday came with that horrible weigh in in the morning, then the exhausting 3 mile walk and I put the pushups to the back of my mind wanting a rest.

By the evening I was feeling very annoyed with myself for feeling so low about the lack of weight gain and feeling unfit again. I was thinking it wasn't fair, blaming all the bad food over Christmas and the New Year.

And then it occurred to me.

I am to blame.

I ate that bad food. I decided not to walk for 2 weeks. I had decided to skip my pushups workout.

The only person who can change this is me. And I have to actually do something, not just wait for that magic to happen.

So, half an hour before bedtime, I did that 3rd workout.

It was HARD. I was very tired and my arms wobbled like mad during the last set. But I DID IT and managed to do 122 reps over the 5 sets, 42 more than the first session on Tuesday.

Seeing that progress made me feel proud. G-man said he waas proud of me too.

That felt GOOD.

So yesterday ended on a good note :)

I may not have lost weight this week, but I've gained some guts and determination to make up for it. Being over half a stone behind the weigh loss target is still bugging me. But I'm looking on that in a good way that will make me knuckle down even more.

I've set up a Pushups Progress page where I can track all those pushups and feel better about myself as those numbers go up as I get fitter :)

Friday, 4 January 2013

Back to reality

As soon as I wrote the title to this post this song started playing in my I thought I'd pass on the ear-worm. A little blast from the past for you all!

Things here are slowly returning to normal. The Christmas decorations are almost all down, G-man is back at work and I'm settling back into my household and other routines with the boys.

I've also got a new reality to adapt to. I've started to make time for new routines, make plans for future goals, get out of bad holiday habits and start working towards some of my 13 in 13 goals.

My body clock is very confused with the switch from lazy mornings/late nights to waking before dawn. Elf-baby is finding it hard too as well as missing G-man in the day so is extra clingy in the day and feeding loads at night, making me even more exhausted. But so far I'm soldering on.

Back to Life...Back to Reality...

Monday, 31 December 2012

13 in 13 - My Goals

As I posted yesterday here are my goals for the 13 in 13 Challenge, hosted by Rebecca at Weight Wars.

What do I want to achieve?   

If I could wake up tomorrow and have everything the way I wanted it to be, I would be...

Fit, healthy & strong

2013 WILL be the year I finally get down to a normal weight for the first time as an adult. I'm also determined to get fit and strong and fully recovered from the PGP left over from Elf-baby's pregnancy.

Goal 1 - Reach my goal weight of 9st (126 lbs) by October 2013.
Goal 2 - Do one hundred pushups (proper ones, not wall or inclined!) by the end of the summer.
Goal 3 - Do two hundred squats by the end of the year.
Goal 4 - Do one (unassisted) pullup


5 years of living in a too small house, 2 of which I've not been able to lift & carry things, have taken it's toll, especially as we're a family of hoarders. Lots of stuff needs to go, and the rest needs some serious deep cleaning and organising.

Goal 5 - Declutter something to the bin/charity shop/ebay/a proper home every day
Goal 6 - Do my housework basics every day, plus one extra cleaning chore

Money smart

I want to get a good grip on our finances in 2013. We are virtually debt free now and *touch wood* G-man is in a stable permanent job and my Avon work is bringing in a few extra pennies. Aside from some money we've put aside for a car for me, we have no savings for emergencies or future plans, so these are financial goals this year:

Goal 7 - Track our spending every week
Goal 8 - Ensure the car money gets spent on a car and not frittered away!
Goal 9 - Save £3000 by the end of the year


After all the housekeeping, parenting/home ed'ing, and Avon work is done there is very little time for me. But it is there and I need to use it better, not waste it.

Goal 10 - Pamper session once a week, even if it's just 10 minutes to put on a facemask or polish my nails
Goal 11 - Read a book every month
Goal 12 - Make something from my Pinterest boards once a month

...and I want to know I've pushed myself to get healthy

Doing the Whole30 Program is something I've been pondering for a couple of years but have never actually gone through with. My sugar addiction and dairy consumption means it will take a LOT of menu planning to last a whole month on a strict paleo diet (hence why I've decided to do it later in the year), but I know I need to do it to properly cleanse my body.

Goal 13 -  Do Whole 30 in November 2013

So that's all of them, my goals for 2013. What are yours?

Sunday, 30 December 2012

Signing up to 13 in 13

After seeing Joy's post here about the 13 in 13 Challenge, I've decided to join in and set myself 13 goals for the next year. I have big plans for the next few years so I think having some well defined goals in 2013 will help me stay focussed and motivated.

From the 13 in 13 page @ Weight Wars:
Set yourself 13 challenges for 2013, they will have a theme each month for you to focus on.

Each month, within your theme you will set a mini goal or two for just that month.

The thirteenth challenge will work slightly differently and that will be explained when you sign up!

You get to chose which months you participate or don't participate but if you take part in all 13 challenges you will be entered in to a prize draw.
I'm finalising my goals at the moment so will post again over the next few days when they are all set.

Week 9 - Festive Food

Starting weight: 14st 4lb (200lb)
Ending weight: 14st 1lb (197lb)
Change: -3lb
Week 9 Target: 13st 8lb (190lb) Behind by 7lb

I'm feeling much more positive after a week of festive but primal-ish meals with the odd treat here and there.

Christmas Eve was our traditional smoked salmon salad, so perfectly primal there! We just bent the rules a little with pudding using up the meringues my mum had given us with some berries and whipped double cream. A bit too sugary, but grain free at least.

Festive cookies
We also made sure that we kept grain free in our 'Santa' duties on Xmas Eve, filling stockings and putting presents under the tree. A while ago I had gently suggested to No1 Son that Santa was now grain intolerant and wouldn't be able to eat his usual treat. He had a think and asked to make grain free cookies for him instead. I found this recipe on Pinterest and DS1 and I made up the mixture ready for G-man to toll out and cut into festive star shapes. DS1 then decorated them with icing and hundreds and thousands. They were very yummy and 'Santa' decorated a few himself when he visited!

mince pie+cream
G-man also helped make some primal 'pastry' for the home-made mincemeat left over from 4 years ago (yes it keeps for that long!). The resulting mince pies were very nice, especially with a dollop of whipped double cream.

Christmas Day we were at my brothers house where I indulged in lots of lovely pate, olives and cold cuts for the starter (staying away from the crusty bread), followed by lovely slow cooked beef rib, roast capon and a big pile of veg and a few roast spuds. I also treated myself to a small amount of stuffing and then some xmas pudding but that was it for grains. I ate my cheese course with some onion chutney avoiding the crackers and only had a small amount of the champagne, wine and port that was being offered. Overall a very satisfying meal without all the bloating and over-full feeling that usually accompanies Xmas Day.

Boxing day I slipped totally when visiting relatives and ate bread and pastries and drank coke. I'm still working off the cravings as a result. We've also eaten out for a lot of other meals since so I probably would have lost a bit more weight (I know I hit 13st 13 midweek before the Boxing day grains). But it's Christmas and I didn't really expect to stay totally on track.

We usually get some food gifts and this year is no exception: 2 tins of biscuits, 4 milk chocolate selection boxes, and 3 bags of chocolate coins. The chocolate gifts are proving hard to resist, but the biscuits haven't been touched and G-man said he'd take them into work next week to treat his colleagues so I won't be tempted by all that evil wheat.

G-man is proving to be my rock this week. On Xmas Day we were given a reminder notice re my brother's wedding next year and G-man wrote the following on it and stuck it next to the treats shelf in the kitchen to help with my motivation:
Save the Date! (and lose the weight!)
Overall I think it's been a good week considering the time of year. I'm still behind in my target...but less than I was last week which is a GOOD THING and there's plenty of time to catch up before next October.

Merry Christmas & onto the New Year!

Sunday, 23 December 2012

Week 8 - Reverse Gear Engaged

Starting weight: 14st 2lb (198lb)
Ending weight: 14st 4lb (200lb)
Change: +2lb
Week 8 Target: 13st 10lb (lb) Missed by 8lb

I have well and truly lost my way and am now over half a stone behind in my weight loss timetable. I gained 2lb this week so I can't even title this post 'weight loss'.

Feeling very hopeless about getting anywhere near my goal  and out of control in my eating habits. I ate too many take aways and sugary 'treats' this week so I've only got myself to blame.

Must try harder. Especially with Christmas this week.